she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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