woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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