Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
