I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
