Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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