what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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