This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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