He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
is wine microwaveable?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
