At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
