He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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