When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
