I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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