Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
