I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
