i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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