You're so nebulous sometimes
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
