He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
