my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
worst night to have a conscience
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
