What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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