You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
