And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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