respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
