shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
