I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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