like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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