Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
