dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
