Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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