No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
