..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
