i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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