Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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