When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
