she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
