i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
