this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
