an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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