your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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