I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
