y did u give ur computer a hand job?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
