i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
