I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
