I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
