I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he's gonorrhea incarnate
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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