I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
