maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
