good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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