Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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