i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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