The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
