I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
