I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
