Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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