NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
