whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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