Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The best revenge is premature balding
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
