We got so high we made milksteak
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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