Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
