You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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