I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
