if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
