Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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