But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
