it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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