The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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